


every day's an apple pie

by AnimeBasketballer



Category: Persona 5
Genre: M/M, Maruki Bad End, Persona 5: The Royal Spoilers, Self-Harm, Sort Of, Unhealthy Relationships, akiras doing his best but he doesnt come across great in this, all characters that arent goro and akira are only mentioned briefly, classic maruki and his mental fuckery, neither does akechi in places though lol but hes akechi its to be expected, you know that feeling when you think your boyfriend might be made from your own cognition
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-30
Updated: 2020-11-30
Packaged: 2021-03-09 17:42:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27800197
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnimeBasketballer/pseuds/AnimeBasketballer
Summary: A simple conversation with Goro in Jazz Jin causes Akira to doubt whether his boyfriend is really the same Goro Akechi that stormed out of his life on February 2nd.
Relationships: Akechi Goro/Amamiya Ren, Akechi Goro/Kurusu Akira, Akechi Goro/Persona 5 Protagonist
Comments: 18
Kudos: 102





	every day's an apple pie

They’re on a date when the fact that Goro might not be real first crosses Akira’s mind.

It isn’t their first date; after everything with Maruki they have been on many dates actually. They go on one at least once a week, since according to Goro seeing each-other regularly is the most important part of a functioning relationship. Akira isn’t complaining, even if Goro sees him at Leblanc practically every day anyway so he’s a _little_ suspicious that he might just want Akira to take him out for dinner more. It’s not like Akira isn’t also up for any excuse to spend time with his boyfriend, so it doesn't matter to him, but he's still a little suspicious.

He had been scared to say the least when he’d told Goro he was going to accept Maruki’s deal back in February. They’d argued- badly argued in fact; both of them had said things that Akira can’t think about without wincing, and the fight had ended with Goro storming out of Leblanc, and intending to storm out of Akira’s life as a whole too. Miraculously though, he cooled off after just a week and a half. He told Akira he didn’t forgive him, but if he was being forced to spend the rest of his life in this reality, he ‘might as well not spend it stewing in hatred’. He’d thought that was a little un-Goro of him to say at the time, but then Goro had shown up at Leblanc the next day and punched him in the face, then immediately followed that up with an announcement that they were never talking about it, and he’d figured that yeah. That was a pretty Goro thing to do.

And then they never talked about it.

Instead they started meeting up again, as if they were old friends reconnecting after years instead of two people who had betrayed each other’s deepest trusts in the space of less than four months. They had plenty of free time to spend together- And still do honestly. Goro doesn’t have his detective work or Shido to worry about, and the other Thieves had people who weren’t Akira to spend time with so he sees them much less often than he might like to. He doesn’t hold it against them, they’re happy and that’s all he wanted from this reality. It was the right decision, to choose happiness over suffering, he’s sure of it. But he can’t pretend he wasn’t starting to feel isolated without his friends’ constant company, and that he didn’t feel a wave of relief when Goro decided to talk to him again.

It was a little weird at first but they quickly fell into the swing of things; doing all the things they used to enjoy doing together before their week and a half of silence. They played chess at Leblanc just like they used to, they played billiards together at Penguin Sniper just like they used to, and one night Goro pushed him up against Leblanc’s counter and kissed him just like he- Well, that was new, but it wasn’t like Akira hadn’t seen that coming from a mile away. Goro isn’t as subtle as he likes to pretend he is. Or at all in fact.

Akira had had some awkward conversations with Sum- _Kasumi_ about some of the remarks Goro had made about him when they were infiltrating Maruki’s palace together.

The kiss was on impulse- One minute they were talking about some bullshit TV show or something, and the next Goro’s mouth was on his and whatever they were talking about entirely vanished from his brain. It took some of his brain cells with it he’s pretty sure, because all he could think of whilst serving customers the next day was the feeling of Goro’s lips and the gentle way he had caressed his cheek with his gloved hand.

After that they were dating. They never really talked about that either, aside from the necessities. There was no big confession from either of them. Goro had so much trouble admitting he felt anything remotely resembling romantic feelings towards Akira, even five minutes after sticking his tongue down his throat, but he managed it and that’s what matters. Akira didn’t fancy giving his new boyfriend a heart attack by telling him he had probably been in love with him since he threw his stupid glove at him and challenged him to a duel like it was a cool thing to do and not insanely dorky.

Even with the two of them having the combined emotional ability of a wooden spoon, they’re happy together. The baggage didn't vanish- nothing could fix something that broken- but they managed to move past it. As far as Akira's concerned, Goro is trying and that’s what matters. It isn’t just the fake pleasantries of the detective prince returning; no, he genuinely is trying to be kinder for Akira because he loves him. The thought makes him weirdly proud.

Anyway, today they’ve ended up at Jazz Jin again, like they do on quite a lot of their date nights. It’s still Goro’s favourite place to go (aside from Leblanc) so they end up here more often than not, enjoying the relaxing atmosphere. Their discussion has mostly quieted down by this point, in favour of nursing their mocktails and listening to the gentle jazz music filling the room.

After a few minutes of comfortable silence, Goro looks up from his drink.

“I’ve been thinking about it. You might have been right after all.”

It sounds kind of out of nowhere, but Akira thinks back to their last conversation and replies:

“What, about Grey Pigeon? Finally ready to admit he was a member of the team too?”

Goro sighs and rolls his eyes, taking another long sip of his drink.

“No, he betrayed them how could he possibly be- Later. We’ll resume that discussion later.” He shakes his head. Akira counts him changing the subject as a win. “No, I was actually talking about this reality.”

Akira raises an eyebrow. So, it was out of nowhere after all. He certainly wasn’t expecting Goro to say that.

“I thought we weren’t talking about it.”

“I want to now.” It’s less of a request and more of a command, but that’s just how Goro is. He might be the most demanding person Akira has ever met, but he loves him for it. “Like I said, I’ve been thinking about your decision to entrust the world to Maruki a lot. And I have come to the conclusion that...maybe this reality is not as awful as I thought it would be. It isn’t terrible, being happy. I’m not sure why I was so opposed to it.”

Akira takes a second to process the words Goro is saying. It has been months now, but he remembers their argument like it happened five minutes ago. It isn’t the only argument they’ve had- Akira is stubborn and Goro is a difficult person in general, arguments are almost impossible to avoid. But it is the only one that still sticks in Akira’s mind, because it’s the only time since that awful day in Shido’s Palace where it felt like they were truly fighting.

In that argument, it didn’t seem like whether or not Goro was going to be happy was really a part of it. They’d been arguing about him being alive.

“So that’s what it was about? Being happy?” Akira looks him in the eye, being careful to keep his expression blank. “I thought you were scared of being Maruki’s puppet?”

He cringes at his own phrasing, waiting for Goro to adamantly deny ever feeling fear in his life, but instead the brunet puts a finger to his chin like he’s thinking. It’s a gesture reminiscent of the ‘Detective Prince’ Goro used to be.

“Partly. I certainly wasn’t enthusiastic about the prospect of allowing Maruki to control me. But as we can both see, I’m myself. So, that turned out to be a non-issue after all.” He hums and tilts his head slightly. “But really I think it was more- I didn’t believe I deserved to experience a reality where I could be happy.”

It’s horrible and he knows it, but when Goro says that he can’t help but freeze up. He speaks his next words carefully.

“And you...don’t think that anymore then?”

Goro smiles sweetly. It isn’t his TV smile, it almost looks entirely genuine, like Goro really was as saccharine as he used to pretend to be. But Akira knows Goro, and he can see the hint of plastic in his pleasant expression. He doesn’t know if Goro can even tell it’s there at all.

“No, I don’t. It’s quite freeing, to finally allow yourself to move on from the past. I don’t know why I resisted so vehemently.”

Akira smiles back, equally sweetly. Equally plastic.

“Good, I’m glad. I just want you to be happy, Goro.”

Goro takes his hand under the table, the feeling of his gloved hand burning against Akira’s own bare one.

“I am. As long as I have you.”

The conversation ends there, but for the rest of the night all Akira can think about is how Goro Akechi had told him only months ago that he would never forgive himself as long as he lived.

***

_Akechi had only taken his gloves off around Akira three times that he could remember. The first was at the bathhouse, though he’d held his hands under the water the entire time to stop Akira from looking. The second time was when he had taken one off to throw it at him after their duel in Mementos. That time, Akira had been a little preoccupied with the absurdity of the situation he had landed himself in, and it hadn’t occurred to him that he had once again missed a chance to see what Akechi was hiding under the faux leather._

_The third time was different. They were in Leblanc, resting up after another day of infiltrating Maruki’s Palace. Usually Akechi wouldn’t take him up on his offer of a cup of coffee after a day in the Metaverse, but for some reason that day he did. Maybe it was because he was more tired than usual. He looked it; the bags under his eyes were much more visible anyway now that he had stopped wearing makeup, but they had looked especially dark. Or maybe he hit his head when he took that megaton raid for Akira after all, and a concussion was the only thing making him not want to avoid him as much as possible._

_Or maybe he just wanted a cup of coffee and a game of chess with his rival._

_Akira was losing, as he usually did. He had beaten Akechi a few times at this point, thanks to his shogi training with Hifumi, but it was hardly a common occurrence. Akechi was usually just a few steps ahead of him. He watched Akechi move his Queen, taking his Knight. The piece made a pleasing clicking noise against the chessboard._

_“Check.”_

_He was running out of pieces to sacrifice, so he moved his king one square out of immediate danger. Akechi went to make his next move, his hand hovering above the board for a few seconds when he changed his mind at the last second. Akira stared at it. The dim lighting of Leblanc reflected off his gloves slightly, drawing Akira’s attention. He doesn’t know what came over him in that moment, but he ended up asking:_

_“Why do you wear those gloves all the time? I never see you without them.”_

_Akechi immediately pulled his hand back like he was burned, and held it close to his chest. His eyes narrowed into a glare. Shit. Bad question._

_“And what makes you think you have the right to ask me that?”_

_Akira smiled awkwardly, cursing himself internally for apparently trying to scare Akechi away again when this was the first time he’d willingly hung out with Akira since he had died and been miraculously resurrected._

_“Sorry. I was just curious. Thought maybe you were hiding some sick hand tattoos or something.”_

_His attempt to lighten the mood didn’t seem to help much, but Akechi relaxed a little so he counted it as a success._

_“Don’t be ridiculous Joker, I have nothing of the sort.”_

_“That’s a shame, I was thinking if you showed me, I could get matching ones. Maybe like the opposite, so we’d have rival tats.”_

_Akechi rolled his eyes and didn’t dignify that with a response, instead returning his attention to the game._

_It was only after Akechi had won his fourth game of the night, and was drinking his third coffee, that the subject was brought up again._

_It was starting to get late, and Akira was busying himself packing the chess set away, when Akechi abruptly put his cup down. He had a complicated look on his face. Akira was only looking at him through the corner of his eye, but he had the expression reserved for when he was deep in thought. Ryuji had once said it made him look constipated, and well he wasn’t exactly wrong, but Akira thought in this situation it made him look more troubled than anything._

_“Joker.”_

_Akira turned to look at him properly._

_“You okay there?”_

_Akechi pursed his lips and for a few seconds there was silence. Akira wondered if maybe Akechi had decided against saying whatever he was thinking about, but he was quickly proven wrong._

_“I... have mentioned before how I find you easy to talk to about things. About how...being around you makes me want to talk to you about things I would not usually tell others.” Akira nodded silently and sat back down at the booth, allowing Akechi to continue._

_“If I show you, I need you to promise you won’t bring it up again.”_

_He tugged on the edge of his glove nervously, subtly cluing Akira in to what he was talking about. Akira furrows his eyebrows._

_“Don’t feel like you have to-“ Akechi cuts him off._

_“I don’t. I want to tell you. I don’t know why, but I do. I just need you to promise me, Joker.”_

_Later on, after Maruki revealed his final trump card, Akira would realise that this wasn’t just a spontaneous show of trust. Akechi needed someone to tell before he died. He needed to be known, just for a little while. It just happened that Akira was the only one who cared enough to ask._

_“I promise.”_

_And with that, Akechi slowly removed his gloves, placing them gently on the table next to his rapidly cooling coffee._

_Both his hands were absolutely covered in scars._

_There were small crescent shaped ones on his palm that looked like they were from digging his nails in too deep a few too many times. There were teeth marks littering both sides of his palms, dusted by light bruising in places. Small round burns, probably from cigarettes, were scattered across the backs of his hands, one or two looking fairly fresh. Tiny white scars covered the fingers and knuckles of his left hand, pale enough that without the other injuries they might go unnoticed._

_Akira was careful to keep his face neutral, looking up at Akechi for permission as he slowly reached out to touch him. When Akechi showed no signs of flinching away, he gently took Akechi’s hands into his own. Akechi visibly held back a shiver, no longer able to look Akira in the eye. The skin of his hands was rough- Back when the ‘Detective Prince’ was the only Akechi he knew, he might have been surprised by that, but the Akechi he had come to know since was nothing like him. He was rougher, meaner, more jaded; he had none of the boyish charm or the slightly ditzy temperament that helped his idol career. If he didn’t still dress like a nerdy grandpa, he might not even be recognisable as the same person. If he wasn’t literally baring his soul to Akira at that moment, he might have started to think that that personality was an act too._

_“What happened?”_

_It seemed like the question Akechi wanted to be asked, though Akira had been wrong before. Akechi didn’t look back at Akira; he kept staring off at nothing in particular, absentmindedly chewing on his lip._

_“When I was twelve, I punched through a window at the group home” He smiled grimly. “I’m sure by now you could figure out I was a rather unruly child; it was hardly the first time I had done something ridiculous like that out of anger. The scars never really healed, and I didn’t like showing them to people. So, when I started working for Shido, I started wearing gloves to hide them.”_

_He paused for a minute as if thinking up the right words for what he wanted to say next._

_“I don’t want to discuss what working under Shido was like. But...I spent a lot of my time stressed and angry, and I needed an outlet. Because of my image I couldn’t... leave marks where anyone would notice them, but no-one bats an eyelid at a detective who always wears gloves. So I could...get away with it that way.”_

_Akira opened his mouth to say...something. He wasn’t sure what yet, which turned out to be okay, because Akechi wasn’t done talking yet. He noticed Akechi actively avoided directly saying he was hurting himself. Maybe he wasn’t ready to fully admit it, to either Akira or himself. Or maybe he felt too ashamed to say it directly. He was always the type to want to hang on to the last bits of his pride._

_“Most of the time it’s not even on purpose I- I just needed something to, I don’t know, ground myself I suppose. Every time the nightmares got too much, or I had to look Shido in the eye or- I don’t want to get into everything. I don’t know why this happens; I can’t be around you without wanting to- to tell you things!”_

_Akira frowned, stroking Akechi’s hand with his thumb in a comforting way._

_“Akechi...”_

_“Don’t look at me like that. Don’t you dare fucking pity me, Joker. That isn’t why I’m talking to you about this.”_

_He scowled harshly, but Akira immediately shook his head._

_“I’m not pitying you. I know you don’t want or need that. I was just going to say I’m glad you told me.”_

_Akechi’s harsh expression slowly morphed into one of confusion._

_“I mean- I hate that you need to...do something like that to feel better. It sucks, you shouldn’t feel like that. But I get it, and I’m glad you can talk to me about it.”_

_For a second, Akechi’s expression relaxed into something neutral yet almost soft. It was weird, seeing this Akechi, who made it his life’s mission to be as fucking rude as possible, look so much like a confused child for that small moment. But it quickly morphed back into something dangerous, his teeth bared slightly as he snarled:_

_“Don’t fucking give me that. You don’t get it. You’re the fucking golden boy, you have no idea what it’s like to live with this- To parade around with the people I betrayed. Who I tried to murder. And to have them accept me. It’s bullshit.”_

_He pulled his hands out of Akira’s grip roughly, reaching up to grip at his hair and pull._

_“You think I shouldn’t feel like this? You’re couldn’t be more wrong. Every time I look at you, I see that fucking bullet wound. I shot you, Kurusu! And yet here I am spilling my guts to you like we're friends or some bullshit- So don’t fucking say that to me. I deserve to feel like this.”_

_“You don’t, Goro.” Akechi’s first name slipped out of his mouth impulsively, and it looked like Akechi had a lot to say about that but Akira continued before he could speak again._

_“Don’t interrupt. I’m being real with you okay? We are friends. Stuff happened, it’s not like we can just take it back. And yeah you did some really bad shit that it isn’t my place to say is okay. But for what you did to me specifically? I forgave you already.”_

_He offered the brunet a small smile. Akechi’s expression turned harsher._

_“Well,” he started, his voice dripping with venom. Akira isn’t sure which one of them his ire is aimed at. “you shouldn’t have. Because I’m never going to.”_

_Akira didn’t know what to say to that, so he just got up from his seat, made his way to Akechi’s side of the booth, and pulled him into a crushing hug._

_And against all odds, Akechi hugged him back._

_***_

It’s awful how paranoid Akira feels after just one short conversation. All the little things he had written off suddenly start to add up in his mind. He hadn’t thought anything was that weird about Goro seeming to become more polite as time went on, or how he would talk about the other thieves as if they were friends, or even how he was so willing to spend time with Akira after being cold and distant with him the whole way through Maruki’s palace. He had just assumed it meant Goro was trying. Ever since Goro had punched him he had taken it for granted that that meant Goro was both alive and also himself, because that's exactly what he had _expected_ Goro to do after Akira betrayed his wishes like that. And if he looked like Goro, and talked like Goro and a _cted_ like Goro then…

But maybe Maruki knew that Akira was expecting Goro to react like that. That would make sense, right? If Goro wasn't himself, and was just a product of Akira's wish, then Maruki would have had to use Akira's memories of him as a basis. So of course, he would act like Akira expected him to.

But _no_ , because Goro remembers, and Akira's the only other person who seems to remember; so that must be wildcard bullshit, and Maruki cannot possibly understand wildcard bullshit so that means Goro is real. Sure, he still doesn't remember what happened after Shido's palace, but if he died then that makes sense, and that means Akira saved him, and that means Akira _didn't do anything wrong-_

But if Akira expected Goro to remember...and Maruki knew that...Oh God that point doesn't apply if that’s true does it?

He needs to text Maruki.

Is Goro real?

**TM** : Well hello Kurusu-kun! I did not think I would hear from you after our last encounter. May I ask what is wrong?

Answer the question please

**TM** : Of course, my apologies.

**TM** : Everything in this reality is real Kurusu-kun, I assure you I do not have the ability to create illusions!

But is it him?

The same him I mean.

**TM** : I'm afraid I don’t quite understand what you mean?

**TM** : Has he done something to trouble you? Perhaps I should have anticipated your shared history would be difficult to work through. Would you like me to help?

NO.

No, thank you. You've helped enough.

Goro hasn't done anything.

I just want to know if you messed with his brain like you did with S̶̱̅͆u̵̝͑m̶̬̮͆ḭ̸̦̇͆ṟ̴̀͊ề̷̫̮

**TM** : Please Kurusu-kun, she wishes to be called Kasumi-chan.

**TM** : I have not ‘messed with Akechi-kun's brain' no. That isn't what I do.

Right.

Sorry I messaged you.

**TM** : You have nothing to apologise for. I am here to help!

Well, that was useless. He won’t be getting any straight answers out of the doctor it seems. He is about to put his phone away, and return to his (admittedly unhelpful) attempts to prove Goro's existence when it buzzes in his hand.

**‘Taba** : what's up?? spill the beans.

Uhh what are you talking about

**‘Taba** : goro says you're acting weird!! so what's up?

**‘Taba** : if that guys saying youre being a weirdo it must be something big so spill

Why are you talking to Goro?

**‘Taba** : lmao did you hit your head or something why wouldnt I be talking to him

**‘Taba** : it’s thursday!!! thats featherman day!!! \\(★ω★)/

Oh yeah sorry.

Dunno why i thought you still werent talking to him

**‘Taba** : oh god he's right you've cracked i have no idea what youre talking about

**‘Taba** : why wouldnt i be talking to goro hes the only one cultured enough to admit red is a good character and not just a static protagonist

**‘Taba** : did you have a dream about us fighting or something

Yeah that must be it

And im fine btw just been thinking a lot

What did goro say about me?

**‘Taba** : he said youve been acting distant lol

**‘Taba** : if youre gonna break up with him do it when anns free i like the guy but im not dealing with him when hes EMOTIONAL god can you imagine

I'm not breaking up with him??

I think

**‘Taba** : jeez kira!!! (；￣Д￣)

I've just been thinking okay

Dont you think he's been acting weird?

**‘Taba** : Acting weird?? The only person weirder than him is Inari youre gonna have to be more specific

Like uh

Weirdly nice?

‘Taba: okay you have problems lol

‘Taba: listen blacks about to die again so ill talk to you later

‘Taba: try to let him down easy when you dump him lmao

Goro thinks he's been acting weird then. That's probably a good thing, right? No, it probably means nothing. Anyone would be concerned if their boyfriend suddenly started avoiding them out of nowhere.

Shit, he's being kind of an asshole, isn't he? This might be all in his head, Goro might just be finally (finally) starting to heal, and here he is assuming that that means he’s an imposter.

He quickly shoots Goro an apology text, asking if he wants to come over once he's done watching Featherman. He doesn't even manage to lock his phone before he receives an affirmative response. He represses the thought that the Akechi he knew would have at least played a little hard to get. It isn’t helping anything; and if Futaba's messages were anything to go by it’s damaging his relationship.

It isn't worth thinking about anyway. He made his choice and Goro is alive because of it. The specifics don’t matter.

(He wishes he could really believe that, but he pictures Goro's smile and finds he can no longer make it match up with Akechi's sly smirk.)

***

_“I'm coming to Leblanc.”_

_When Akira saw Akechi’s name flash up on his phone's screen for the first time in a week and half he picked up without a second thought. Even a screaming match over the phone would have been better than the silent treatment he was being subjected to after their fight. He wasn’t going to apologize- if Akechi couldn’t understand why Akira would sacrifice the world to save him, then Akechi couldn't understand. It didn’t matter; a world where Akechi really and truly hated him was better than a world without him in at all. Strangely though, Akechi's voice seemed completely calm, without even a trace of the fury he was expecting._

_“What happened to staying away? Thought you couldn't stand the sight of me.”_

_Akechi laughs dryly. It hasn’t been very long at all really, but it's almost nostalgic to hear. Akira can just picture the displeased look on his face._

_“Oh, believe me, I certainly couldn't. But I have had some time to...adjust to this situation you have put us in.”_

_“And... how do you feel about it now?”_

_“Oh, I hate it. I doubt I'll ever forgive you for robbing me of my last shred of agency.”_

_His spoke in a causal tone, like he was discussing the weather rather than a personal betrayal._

_“But...” he continued, pausing for a second. “There's nothing I can do about it now. You've doomed me to live in this reality, and I don't see the point in spending my life stewing in hatred. I'm...”_

_The line went silent for a minute. Akira was starting to wonder if maybe it had cut out when Akechi spoke up again, his voice smaller than before._

_“I'm tired. Of living like that.”_

_He sounded it too. In that moment he didn't sound like a teenage boy, he sounded like a man who had been at war his entire life. In a way he was, Akira supposed. But it didn't have to be like that anymore, not in this reality._

_“You don't have to live like that anymore, Akechi.”_

_Akechi hummed thoughtfully in response._

_“Yes, well, I will be attempting not to at the very least.”_

_He trailed off at the end of his sentence. He was pausing a lot, for someone who liked the sound of his voice so much. It occurred to Akira that maybe this was a difficult call for Akechi to make. He had never done anything to give the impression he was the type to let grudges go. In fact, he had defined his entire life by his grudges; it must have been hard for him to sit down and decide to let bygones be bygones. It made Akira feel a little special, that Akechi was willing to work with him on this, when he could easily have kept his word and never spoken to him again._

_“And anyway. If I am destined to be controlled by someone, it's better it's you than another Shido.”_

_Akira winced._

_“I'm not controlling you, Akechi.”_

_Akechi laughs down the phone. It's light and airy. And clearly fake._

_“Yes well, that remains to be seen doesn't it?”_

_He didn’t know how to respond to that. Akechi didn't give him a chance to anyway._

_“I'll be over in twenty minutes. See you then.”_

_He hung up before Akira could manage a goodbye._

_***_

Goro arrives at Leblanc just after Sojiro has left for the night. Akira already has the chess set out and his usual order made for him when he hears the bells above the door jingle, signalling Goro's arrival. He quietly slides into his usual seat, and takes a sip of his coffee before smiling.

“Perfect as always, Akira.”

Akira laughs lightly, leaning on the bar to talk to him more easily. It's forced, but after a week of acting weird around him, he knows he needs to at least try to act like a proper boyfriend. Even with his doubts, Goro deserves better than what he's been giving him.

“Only the best for you, honey. Chess?”

“You are far too good to me.”

They play in a comfortable quiet, communicating only through Goro raising his eyebrow at any questionable moves Akira makes. Akira finds himself studying Goro's face while he ponders over his strategy. He is taking the game pretty seriously, and it shows by the way his forehead is wrinkled in thought. Goro is winning; even if they are more evenly matched now, he still has more experience than Akira at the game, and he still ends up winning more often than not. It seems Maruki couldn’t take that away from him at least. Though can it really be said that he took anything at all if he remade Goro entirely from scratch- _no shut up, he said he wasn’t going to think about this._

Goro places his rook on the board with a click that drags Akira out of his thoughts.

“Check. You're sloppy today.”

Akira grunts in response, moving his king out of the line of fire. Goro could easily put him right back into check, and he lifts his piece to do so, but sighs instead placing it back down.

“Tell me what's wrong.”

Akira blinks. If there's one thing he wasn’t expecting, it was for Goro to actually call him out on his bullshit. The two of them have a lot in common, but one thing in particular they share is their distaste for talking their feelings out. He raises an eyebrow.

“I told you, it's just been an off week. It’s nothing really.”

“You know Akira,” Goro begins, his tone icier and more _Akechi_ than it's been in months. It’s a little exciting honestly. He even feels a little reassured- knowing he can still piss Goro off even with any meddling Maruki may- _or may not-_ have done with him- but then immediately feels horrible. He should not be having that reaction to upsetting his boyfriend.

“I thought that, given our relationship, you might respect me enough to not assume I’m stupid.”

“I don't think you're stupid Goro-"

“Then why lie to me? At least give me the dignity of knowing what I did to make you ignore me all week.”

“Ignoring is a strong word-"

“The longest text you sent me was five words long. I kept track. You missed _date night._ Don't patronize me, I'm not going to break just because you told me I did something wrong.”

Oh yeah, _now_ Akira feels like an asshole. Goro hasn’t done anything wrong- well hasn't done anything wrong _recently_ anyway, and here Akira is making him feel like he's the problem. He isn't the problem- Well that isn’t entirely true either, but he's only the problem if he isn't real and that’s not even his fault, that's Akira's stupid fault for betraying him, and trusting in Maruki, and believing that something too good to be true could be true after all.

It seems he's taking too long to answer because Goro's eyes narrow harshly.

“Right. I see how it is. Forget I asked then, I'll be goi-"

“You didn't do anything wrong. Really. I'm sorry I made it seem like you did.”

Goro folds his arms, seemingly waiting for him to elaborate. He still doesn’t look pleased, but at least he isn't getting up and leaving.

“I really have just been thinking a lot- it isn't your fault. I just have...a lot on my mind right now.”

He knows he doesn't sound very convincing. Goro clearly isn’t convinced at the very least. He slowly raises an eyebrow.

“Care to share?”

Akira's gaze flickers off to the side as he thinks about how to respond to that question. How would Goro react if he told him the truth? Maybe he would be able to put his doubts to rest. He knows Goro thinks he's himself though, or at least he knows he says he's himself because of course a fake Goro would say he's the real Gorom it would be stupid otherwise. So actually, it probably wouldn’t help at all. Plus, if this is just Goro healing, then telling him he thinks he's fake might set that back by a long way. It’s not worth the risk, he never wants to be the one to make Goro feel unwanted.

But there is one thing he can ask that might shed some light on the situation. One thing he has been subconsciously afraid of knowing.

“It's just...”

Goro looks at him expectantly.

“Did you go to Maruki's palace after he came here?”

***

_Akira stumbled back slightly from the impact of Akechi's fist. His cheek stung, but at least his lip didn’t split, even if he could feel the small cut where his teeth caught the inside of his cheek._

_Akechi looked at his own hand for a second before shaking it off, pulling on the end of his glove. He smiled; or rather he smirked, looking rather pleased with himself. Akira had missed that stupid smirk. It hadn't even been two weeks since he last saw him, but after being sure he had resigned himself to a life of being hated by Akechi, it was a welcome sight._

_“Well, that felt better than I expected. Now that that business is over, can I get a coffee? This is still a cafe, correct?”_

_Akira nodded dumbly, and despite the pain in his face still lingering, he found that in that moment he could only think of how glad he was to have Akechi back._

_***_

Akira waits for the flash of rage in Goro's eyes; waits for him to get even the littlest bit defensive, waits for him to just stand up and leave without even dignifying him with an answer. But none of that happens. Instead, he just sighs, and slumps down in his seat a little. He doesn't even look angry; he just looks sad.

“Is that really what this is about? I told you, even if I could go up against Maruki now, I wouldn't. My stance on this isn't the same as it was.”

Akira shakes his head, walking around the bar so he can sit next to Goro finally.

“I know that, that's not what I asked. Did you go?”

“Well yes I went-"

Goro suddenly furrows his eyebrows, putting a hand to his forehead. Something flashes through his eyes, and his nose wrinkles, before his face evens out into something neutral. Blank.

“Yes. I did go. I said I would, didn’t I?”

Akira purses his lips. He doesn’t know whether that is the answer he was hoping for or not.

“And what did you do?”

“Mostly just took my frustration at you out on some poor shadows. I didn't make it as far as Maruki. It was...too difficult.”

The ‘to do alone’ is left implied, but Akira knows that’s what he means. He feels a pang of guilt, but Goro didn't _need_ to go to the palace, if he had just _understood_ then he could have stayed at Leblanc with Akira and it all would have been fine.

“So, you left?”

Goro shakes his head, then looks mildly troubled, bringing his hand back up to his forehead again.

“Yeah I- no? No, I think I was...kicked out after a while? Yes, that was it. I apologize, my memory seems to be a little...fuzzy.”

“You got kicked out- did you stay the whole day?”

“No...it definitely wasn’t that long...”

He trails off, looking confused, before letting out a sudden cry of pain that startles Akira into jumping right off his stool and standing up. Goro's hands bury deep into his hair, _pulling_ , and Akira doesn't even register he's moving before he pulls Goro against his chest, putting his arms around him in a comforting embrace.

“Sorry, sorry- It's okay- I'll drop it.”

He can tell what this is; he saw Su- Kasumi- _no Sumire_ \- react like this in the palace when her wish was close to being shattered. Whatever really went on when he went back to the palace, Goro is being blocked from remembering. Akira has a horrible feeling. His chest tightens, dread starting to pool in his stomach.

“I'm really not stupid, you know.” Goro hisses from where his face is pressed against Akira's chest. His hands are still tangled roughly in his hair, but his grip seems to be loosening.

“I know what this is, I know what you're thinking.”

“It's fine Goro, we don’t have to talk about it. It that's going to be the reaction I'm- I'll drop it.”

“No.”

Goro takes a deep breath, then let’s go of his hair and uses one of his hands to push against Akira's chest, escaping the embrace.

“No, we need to talk about the fact you don’t think I'm real.”

***

_“We’re taking the deal.”_

_Akechi stared at him. He didn't exactly look happy before, but Akira's words caused his expression to twist into something dangerous. Akira wasn't scared of Akechi. He knew Akechi was a dangerous person, he had experienced exactly how dangerous he could be first hand on more than one occasion. But the fact remained that he wasn't scared of him, and that fact didn't change even as he saw the flash of real, visceral, hatred in Akechi's eyes for the first time. Even when he had first proclaimed that he hated him outside the station after their duel, he hadn't looked at him like that. Akira felt small, but he couldn't let it get to him. He knew he was making the right decision. Akechi could hate him; it didn’t matter. At least he would be alive._

_“Would you care to rethink that statement?”_

_Akira shook his head, which only caused Akechi's scowl to deepen._

_“Right. Then our deal is off.”_

_Akechi turned to leave, but Akira grabbed his wrist swiftly before he could make it to the door._

_“Wait-"_

_“What.” Akechi practically growled the word at him. He turned around to face him, yanking his arm out of Akira's grip as if the very touch burnt._

_“Unless you're going to tell me you've changed your mind, we have nothing left to discuss.”_

_“No just...stay. Please. I’m not changing my mind, I can't just-“_

_“Can't just what, Kurusu?” Akechi stepped forward and before Akira could register what was happening, he had him backed up against the wall._

_“Can't just respect a dead man's wishes? Can't just save the fucking world? Honestly Kurusu I really thought we were starting to understand eachother-"_

_“Well clearly not if you think I can just kill you again like it’s nothing!”_

_“That's not what this is Kurusu-"_

_Akechi was so close to him, their faces were so close. If Akira leaned in just a little bit..._

_If only it were better circumstances._

_“It is! That's exactly what it is! You keep saying it's trivial but it isn't to me. You’re my friend, I can't just sign your death warrant!”_

_Akechi's eyes were wild with anger, it was a wonder he managed to keep his voice below a shout. He grabbed Akira's collar roughly. Akira could feel the faux leather of his glove brush against his skin. He understood why Akechi was angry he really did, but he'd see. Akira couldn't lose him again, and they'd be in a world where they could be happy. Where Akechi could finally be happy._

_“So what, you're just going to doom the entire world to this happy-happy cult bullshit? You had no problem letting Okumura and Isshiki die again, why not me? You don't even know me, Kurusu, stop being so disgustingly sentimental.”_

_“Akechi I-"_

_“You don’t even know my real name. Why are you throwing the world away for me?”_

_His voice cracked slightly, and his grip on Akira's collar tightened._

_“I'm dead. Just let me rest.”_

_Akira looked away._

_“No. Not when you have the chance to live I-“ He choked up. “I can't lose you again.”_

_He kept his gaze firmly away from Akechi, but he could hear him take a shaky breath._

_“Trust you to pick the worst fucking moment to decide to be selfish.”_

_.._

_Akira snapped._

_***_

They decide to move up to Leblanc's attic to talk more about this. Maruki's bullshit will probably overwrite anything Futaba might hear over her bugs, but even so it isn't really a conversation they want to be overheard having. He sits down on the sofa, takes his glasses off and sighs.

The silence is awkward to say the least. It seems neither one of them is particularly eager to break it. Akira doesn't know what Goro is thinking exactly, but he can’t stop remembering how Futaba's mother and Haru's father both disappeared when the fake reality was shattered. Will it be the same for him, if he accepts that Goro isn't real? Will Goro disappear for good this time, all because Akira couldn't not overthink a good thing?

Goro is sat on the bed, fiddling with the end of his glove. He looks a little on edge, but decides it falls on him to break the silence.

“So that's what this whole thing has been about then. You think I'm fake. Not myself- whatever you want to call it.”

Akira nods, not seeing the sense in sugar-coating the truth. Goro sighs deeply, and leans forward. He clasps his hands together.

“Alright, well. At least it seems you still respect me enough to answer me honestly.”

He quietens for a minute, thinking. He purses his lips, and his forehead wrinkles slightly from how deep he is in thought. He looks a little intense, if Akira is honest. After a short moment, he looks at Akira with a blank expression.

“Alright then. Let's say that, hypothetically of course, I'm ‘not me'. Or rather, let's assume that either Maruki meddled with my mind, or I am in fact an entirely different Goro Akechi than the one you knew.”

“I'm not saying that,” Akira begins, but Goro holds up a finger to get him to shut up.

“I _said_ hypothetically.” He tilts his head slightly, raising an eyebrow curiously. “ _Anyway._ As I was about to say, my question is: what's the problem?”

Akira's blood turns ice cold. Goro continues speaking.

“This is what you asked for isn't it? A world where everyone is happy. Where even Goro Akechi is happy. Why stress over a minor detail like whether I'm the same or not? I'm the Goro Akechi you wished for.”

_I wished for you to be you,_ he wants to say, but he can't find the words.

He's not sure that it's even true. He thought he wished for Goro to be himself, but how well did he know him really? Akechi had said that he didn't know him at all. Maybe that's still true. Despite their relationship, they never really talk about anything deeper than the superficial. He had naturally assumed that Goro just didn't want to talk about it, but in the time Akira had known Akechi, he had proved himself time and time again to be a chronic over-sharer. Surely something would have slipped out by now. Suddenly, Akira is forced to call into doubt the one thing he's been sure of this whole time: that Goro remembers. It's possible that Maruki just allowed Goro to remember enough to pacify Akira, and the rest of him was restructured to be how he saw fit. That would explain why Goro never told him anything more about his past than what Akira already knew; there was nothing to tell. Because for Goro, nothing else happened.

If that is the case, then did Akira wish for him to be himself? Did he even wish for him to be alive at all? Or did he just wish for him to be _there_?

The distinction seems small but... to a man like Maruki it is the difference between life and death. The difference between Akechi living as himself, and Goro, the mindless puppet made to appease Akira.

Goro is looking at him like he's waiting for an answer. He chooses his words carefully.

“Because,” he starts. He chokes on his words slightly and has to take a deep breath before he continues. “Because, if you aren't- Because if you aren't him, then that means the choice I made meant nothing! I still killed him again in the end.”

Goro doesn't reply straight away. He stands up and walks over to sit on the sofa next to Akira, then takes one of Akira's hands in his own. Akira wishes he would take the stupid gloves off; maybe then it would give him the comfort that was intended. Goro's smile is warm and soft, but there’s a sadness behind his eyes.

“I know you Akira. And that means I know that now that you've got this in your head- I'm not going to be able to convince you I'm the real me.”

“He wouldn't say something like that.” Akira croaks. The corners of his eyes sting for some reason. “He would tell me to get over myself.”

Goro's smile falls ever so slightly.

“I know.” He mumbles, and sighs. “But what I wanted to say was. You're panicking over this, but you can't change it. You made your choice back in February, and honestly: if you killed him, then he got what he wanted.”

He squeezes Akira's hand.

“There's nothing you can do now. If you've convinced yourself that I’m not him, then think. Is that such a bad thing? It just means I was made for you. I'm still Goro Akechi, I’m just the Goro Akechi specifically designed to make you happy. The Goro Akechi specifically designed to love you.”

He moves a hand up to Akira's cheek, cupping his face gently. Akira feels sick. He wonders if Goro knows how cruel he's being, saying these things to him. Akechi had always been cruel, but he was cruel in a way Akira could understand. He was angry, and he was bitter and, he was hurt, and he wanted others to hurt just as much because of it. Goro’s cruelty is different. He doesn't want to hurt Akira; he just loves him.

It burns just as much.

“I know you're having regrets about this reality but...Am I not enough for you? Can I not be enough?”

_No_ , Akira thinks. _If you're not him, you will never be enough._

But this is Goro. Goro, who is his boyfriend. Goro, who sits in Leblanc and laughs at his shitty jokes and tells him his coffee is delicious every time. Goro, who acts so smugly whenever he wins a game of chess but will immediately accuse Akira of cheating if he loses. Goro, who pretends he is above having opinions on a children’s show like Featherman but gets into heated debates about it with Futaba anyway. Goro, whose smile causes his heart to soar, and whose words make him weak at the knees. Goro who he _loves._

So, he nods his head and says:

“Of course you're enough. You're more than enough.”

Goro kisses him then and, despite everything, Akira melts into it just like he does every time. He can't help but wonder if Akechi would ever have kissed him as sweetly as Goro does.

After a minute he pulls back so he can ask:

“Hey...you mentioned one time that I don't know your real name. You never told me so...what is it?”

Goro smirks. It's a hollow mockery of the one Akira was once used to, but he'll take it.

“Does it matter?” he says, and leans in to kiss Akira again.

_Yes,_ Akira thinks as he kisses back. _Of course it matters._

But at the end of the day, it's just one more item on a long list of things he'll never know about Goro Akechi. So maybe it doesn't matter after all.

***

_“I'm selfish? **I'm** selfish?!”_

_Akira didn’t remember ever raising his voice at Akechi before. His anger was a powerful thing, full of a burning righteousness that couldn’t be tamed, but despite everything, he had never felt anger like that at Akechi. Akechi faltered, letting go of Akira's collar, but Akira grabbed his wrist roughly before he could move back._

_“You’re calling me selfish? You're the most selfish asshole I've ever met! Do you know what I would do for you Akechi? I'm not being selfish; wanting you to **live** is not selfish! I'm doing the right thing, but you wouldn't know what that's like would you?”_

_Akechi practically snarled at him._

_“You're fucking delusional, Kurusu. Don't try to spin this back on me, you're doing this for no one but yourself. You're just like all the rest of them. You don’t want me around, you just want some mindless puppet version of me who'll do whatever you want.”_

_“I'm trying to give you a second chance!” he bit back, insulted by Akechi’s insinuations. Why couldn't he see? He could be happy too. He never would be if Akira allowed him to die._

_“I don't want your second chance!” Akechi yelled. “Dying was the only real choice I’ve ever made since I was fifteen fucking years old. You already took that away from me with your stupid wish, and now you want to take away my free will all over again. **Fuck you.** How dare you.”_

_“I'm not taking away your free will! Maruki just wants you to be happy. He wants us all to be happy. I just want you to be alive, you idiot. Don’t you get it? I'm doing this **for** you, not to you. Because I l-"_

_His cheek stung harshly. Akechi was glaring at him with his teeth bared, and his free hand raised._

_Oh, he must have slapped him._

_“Let. Go of me.” He seethed. “ **Now.** ”_

_Akira let go._

_Akechi yanked his wrist away, and turned to walk away from Akira. He stopped just in front of the door._

_“I'm going to Maruki's Palace tomorrow. I'll either defeat Maruki by myself, or I'll fail. Either way...”_

_He turned his head so he could look at Akira over his shoulder. The fury that was apparent in his face just moments ago was replaced with a neutral look of disdain. He smiled. It was entirely plastic._

_“I hope I never have to see your face again, Akira Kurusu.”_

_Later, once Akechi was long gone, Morgana padded his way downstairs. He found Akira sat curling in on himself on the floor near the bar._

_“I heard what happened...” he murmured, awkwardly. “Are you sure you're making the right choice? Akechi sounded...”_

_“He'll be fine.” Akira said, decisively. “He'll come around. This is what's best for everyone.”_

_Morgana stared at him for a moment, before he sighed and hopped up to curl up on his lap._

_“Well, if you say so, Leader. It's your call.”_

_He wouldn't falter on this. No matter what Akechi said, a reality where everyone got to be happy had to be better than the one they lived in._

_Akechi would come around._

_(He really hoped Akechi would come around.)_

_***_

Goro doesn’t disappear. Akira doesn’t know what that means in this situation. Maybe the reality isn’t so easily broken, now that Maruki has full control. Or maybe it is, and Akira just didn’t break it. It doesn’t really matter. He is thankful either way.

Goro never usually stays over at Leblanc. He usually goes home, saying he would rather sleep in his own bed, in his own room, than in Akira's dusty attic.

That night though, he stays.

With Goro lying next to him, dead asleep and looking more peaceful than he could have ever imagined Akechi, Akira finds that he cannot resist the urge to sate one last bit of curiosity.

Goro wears his gloves to sleep. Akira has always found it weird, but never thought it worth questioning. If it was a comfort thing, then he didn't want to push by bringing it up. He doesn't know if Akechi did it too; he never got close enough to him to find out. Either way, Goro does.

He listens out for a second, just to make sure Goro is really asleep. Then when he's absolutely sure he is, he reaches out and takes one of Goro’s hands in his own, and slowly peels the glove off.

There's not a single scar on his hand.

***

_Goro Akechi was kissing him._

_He couldn't believe it. After everything that had happened, after he had been so sure that he would hate him forever, he was finally kissing the boy he had wanted so badly and yet couldn't have._

_It was so mundane, yet so wonderful. There was nothing sparking a sudden passion: no betrayals, no fights, no Gods pitting them against each other. Goro had simply wanted to kiss him, and so he had._

_Later, they would talk about what this meant and where they wanted to go with it. They would talk about the feelings they had been repressing, and the baggage they would need to deal with, and all the things they would have to look forward to._

_But for that moment, all Akira could think about was the feeling of Goro's hand on his cheek, and the softness of his lips, and how if something like that could happen then yeah._

_Akira was sure they were in a perfect reality._

**Author's Note:**

> ch 2 of the royal trio roleswap will be up in a couple days. im working on it lol, uni has just been bluh and this was sitting in my drafts 90% written so it was less daunting to work on. If youre wondering why its so messy its bc i finished it at 5am after finishing an assignment that was killing me and decided im sick of looking at it so its getting posted
> 
> title is from apple pie by the scary jokes!! its a great song lol and it gives me 2/2 bad end akira vibes for some reason. its the brainworms
> 
> anyway completely unrelated but i think goro would like earthbound. i think he played mother 3 and it made him cry and also want to extra murder shido
> 
> tumblr is @lineheck as always


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